Friday, February 5, 2010

My Many Words for Snow

As the snow descends upon Northern Virginia in the latest winter storm, and as DC's elite line-up at their local Whole Foods and Trader Joe's clutching their reusable bags filled with heavily packaged prepared meals, cardboard-container salads, 6 bottles of wine, and one bottle of water ('cause, ya know, it's an "emergency"), I am struck by the fact that the great Eskimo vocabulary hoax (pdf) is no hoax at all!  It turns out that I too have a great many words for snow. This evening, while running a few modest errands before the night's predicted 20 inch snow drop, I meticulously recorded the various terms I uttered as synonyms for the fluffy white stuff  which descended, rather gracefully, upon the landscape.

A few choice examples (NSFW):

shit
  • "Why do people drive like such morons in this shit?"
  • "Hey asshole! This shit's not Vasoline! You can drive faster that 6 miles an hour!"
crap
  • "This crap's gonna be piled up in disgusting dirty brown heaps for weeks."
fuck
  • "Fuck these fucking fuckers who can't drive in this fuck!"
asshole-shit-motherfucker*
  • "Ahhhh! You drive on this asshole-shit-motherfucker like it's nuclear!"
fucking-fuck-fuck
  • (directed at a plow driver) "push the fucking fuck fuck onto the curb, not back into the road!"
grrrrrrr
  • "gawd I hate everybody! All of you! All because of this ... grrrrrrr!" (picture head exploding)

*asshole-shit-motherfucker is actually quite productive in my dialect. It replaces a great many phrases.

3 comments:

Jason M. Adams said...

You just made lol all up in this asshole-shit-motherfucker.

MISS LORI said...

That was absolutely the best blog! Hysterically funny and also well written. I expected nothing less. Brilliant and entertaining.

Chris said...

I'm proud to have contributed such meaningful value to the blogosphere ;)